Blue Notes from a Red Zone

Everybody Knows

Lately I've been feeling out of the loop. It seems as though there are a host of things that "everybody knows" that I don't.

For instance, apparently "everybody knows" that there is a war against Christmas. I'm not seeing it. Every house in my neighborhood is lit up as though a barrage of fireworks have permanently settled on the ground (mine too - I love Christmas lights especially when I come home from work). The stores are filled with Christmas (not holiday) music, and decorated to ever more elaborate extremes. The post office and delivery services seem to be doing brisk business, and employers universally declare a day off from work. Charity drives are in full swing, and donations are generous expressions of "the spirit of Christmas." Churches are packed to the brim. If anyone is waging war against Christmas, they must be doing it half-heartedly, and they are certainly failing.

Yes, it is true that stores and people often substitute "happy holidays" for "merry Christmas." I do it myself, if only because I'm not all that fond of repeating myself. I might vary the phrase 20 times between now and December 25. Also, I'm sensitive enough to delete the specific reference when speaking to persons who practice other faiths. The idea is not to pretend Christmas doesn't exist, but to emulate the angels, and spread "peace on earth, goodwill to men," to everyone regardless of beliefs or the lack thereof.

To get worked up over how people express seasonal greetings is to take offense where none is intended, and to make war where peace is needed. The fact that children may be singing "Frosty the Snowman" instead of "Away in the Manger" when at school is not a big deal, as long as they are singing "Silent Night" in the churches where they commune with the other 85% of the population who holds similar views.

Another thing "everybody" apparently knows is that most rape reports are false, and that women who advocate for rape victims hate men. These ideas were particularly startling to learn, as I've been working in the field for 10 years and never had a clue. I continue to see far more women who don't report rapes than those who do, and I virtually never come across one who reported a rape maliciously. And as for hating men - that would certainly come as a surprise to the many wonderful men who enrich my life, starting with my father, husband, and son and moving into the host of friends who make my work and leisure challenging and rewarding.

However, there has been an outpouring of hostility on the web concerning a case in which a rape victim was found guilty of making a false report after the state attorney's office failed to prosecute. The judge may have had good reasons for his decision, but at the present time they remain known only to himself. What is important, though, is the unleashing of vitriol by men and women exulting in "finally" seeing justice granted to the three men originally accused of rape (they said the sex was consensual). There appears to be a great deal more anger channeled toward women who may be false accusers than against men who may be true offenders.

The controversy reminds me of a video I use in training professionals dealing with victims and offenders, in which the offender (whose guilt is unknown at this point in the tape) is discussing his martyrdom, and he mentions "80% of the time, the victim is believed." When I show this to law enforcement officers, they nod and express approval, even though they have all just told me they don't believe victims even 10% of the time until a thorough investigation, should it occur, proves every statement she made is correct. When I show the film to advocates, therapists and other social service professionals, they just snort at this point. It may all just be a matter of perception, but in general, the perception is not in favor of the victim.

Other things I don't know are that Hilary Clinton is a dangerous radical bent on destroying America, that the term "Democrat" is synonymous with "traitor," and that "intelligent design" is a respected scientific theory. Perhaps my ignorance stems from my refusal to watch Fox News, or to read anything written by Ann Coulter. This could prove to be a real hole in my education.

On the other hand, I never thought for a second that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction, nor did I look forward to witnessing an Iraqi population overwhelmed with gratitude for an American occupation.

Ignorance may not be bliss, but it is something.

posted by Lenore Wilson @ 10:40 PM